Okay, I download a lot of music to the point the I haven't listened to 75% of my library. I've listened to quite a lot of it because my library is more or less 9000 songs/files. I've personally downloaded roughly 2000 songs from many sites that cap the audio at 128 kbps which is the default and had to MANUALLY edit them so they check all the boxes of a detailed mp3 file or whatever. You know what I JUST FOUND OUT? I just found out that you can download youtube videos in 320 KBPS MP3 QUALITY FILES. I have to comb through my library and REPLACE EVERYTHING. ARGHHHHHHH!!!! I'm going to pass away now and go to the afterlife ;;. The pain of maintaining a large music library is great and I can never rest for a single day.
Update: I just checked and it's really dependent on who's uploading it when for what I listen to. Still, I have to comb through a lot of my library and this is a very slow and tedious process. Peace out <3
Hey! Could you tell that I lost motivation/kind of forgot to work on the website? Yeah, me too. Um, my diagnosis appointment was put off for now because the mental health workers are on strike right now. Once they are done, I want to get my diagnosis/results and then never go back there again. I don't want to be prescribed medication though, because I know I can fully function. My motivation is just. . . all over the place lol. It can also cost money and when I don't have insurance, would you look at that! No more medication and now I have to cope without any of it. I was thinking if I should work on the video because I burned myself out from the goal. I don't even know if it's possible in my current circumstances, but it would look cool, right? I could also play it up for that animatic thing I would attach to the video. I'm not really confident about my voice when recording because it doesn't sound natural when I read from the script. I was also contemplating doing trans voice training just to put that extra layer of security from telling who I actually am in real life. That would take a while though, and because I'm constantly surrounded by at least one family member, that is not feasible. It's funny because I am a guy in real life but I don't really care about identity online because it is just an alias/pseudonym and an avatar that you can portray yourself as. It is funny to me because I had this phase where I reallyyyy wanted to be a girl but I'm past that phase now. Just now this site and stuff is all in name. It doesn't really represent me minus the content I put here. Sewing is probably what I'm looking for? Maybe I just like being in the middle between guys' and girls' interests because I keep an open mind. I tend to use girl alias more because that feels comfortable for me. I burned myself out from really wanting to keep looking at my screen. That combined with youtube trying to combat adblocker and I'm actually wanting to work on myself instead of watching my days disappear. I need to work on my art more because I haven't properly learned/have been motivated to learn even though I love it with all my heart. Maybe I'll take a break for a week and see what happens if I even remember to say anything in time. Well, good night!
I haven't really made progress for the video but my vision it turned from, "Hey, this is an interesting discussion to have and illustrate" to "This is a serious video to self-reflect but also for you to watch me self-reflect." The video is definitely going to take months to make due to how ambitious the video became. I have to rewrite, revise, and rethink the script constantly, changing it on the fly in my head though never actually writing it down. It is funny how that works. Nothing much has really been going on besides that. Actually, the video also will take 10 times longer to make because I vowed myself to finish something. Something that might take weeks to actually finish before I would put it in the video. I know I'm being really vague about the topic of the video but I'll tell you it. It is why being an online performer isn't for me, be it a youtuber, streamer, commentator or otherwise. This video would I guess be a look into my brain and the world the way I see it. The thing I vowed to finish is a challenge that if I manage to beat it, would be a reflection of my growth as a person and as a homage to the person I once was who I no longer know. I've been racking my brain on how to effectively manage my time to make this video but I'm a one-track mind sort of person so I believe getting the big challenge out of the way, no matter how others in real life will percieve me for such a worthless pursuit, will at least help progress the story. I have to write this down on my journal but I have to remember. Good night! Love you all :D
I'm going to see if I can get an appointment done to see if I have autism or ADHD. I wouldn't be surprised if I have ADHD but I'm not about anything else. I don't think I'll update the blog much except when I journal irl because I know typing my thoughts come a lot faster but I do want it to truly reflect my personal journal. . . Well, I managed to finish catching up on my daily journal which is kind of surprising. I never thought I would get it done today considering I have to write down a month's worth of documentation in a day. That is kind of appreciated though so I can slowly get back to my working routine. I'll quickly explain the stomach bug I got. My stomach felt uncomfortable but I couldn't sleep until I threw up. After that, I had no energy and had no appetite to eat. If I could eat? I could barely eat anything before gagging and having to stop. What is also fun is I had to keep on waking up in the middle of the night, starving! Yay! Isn't that wonderful? I didn't journal or draw. I literally just watched youtube and played roblox but now I'm quitting roblox again, lol. I got sick twice in a month and I was sick for two of those weeks and recovering from being sick two of those weeks. It was MISERABLE because I never get sick. I literally lost all the joy when I got sick and being lugged around by my family doesn't help. I was a just a bag of hopelessness and no emotions for January. I'm trying to cut down on using my phone and my laptop to get a more accurate diagnosis. It is also better for me overall. I don't want to make this site reference heavy so you can understand what is going on without really any external research (though that should still be done if I make a mistake or accidentally spread misinformation.) I'm not sure what the direction of this site will be but I hope you enjoy reading my ramblings. :3
This site is going to be hard to maintain in my chaotic schedule. Last time I updated it, I got hit with a stomach bug which I thought was food poisoning and it sure felt like it when watching Emirichu's video on being sick (the original one.) I hope you enjoy seeing a wall of text because I sure can tolerate weird formats and layouts (and the fact that I haven't learned how to make my site look nice.) Also I use the web on 80% zoom and it's really comfortable for me. I'm planning on making one of those storytime videos on a topic that definitely left me worse than before. I finished rewriting the script and recording it today but it is a bit awkward to listen to. I'm hoping I can pull it off because it is the fudgiest setup ever. This is what happens when you don't like video editing options and opt to figure it out. I have to catch up on my journaling too so that's my first priority. After that, it's drawing a lot of frames! It's going to be (not) fun. I've literally drawn like once a week and now I'm making myself draw like 20 frames a day. ;-; I'm currently running on macarons for dinner and I should definitely be sleeping by now. Here's some rough sketches of what I'm planning the video to look like.
